Inside: Surly Wench

Wench bartender Jasmine (Credit: Andi Berlin/Special to Metromix)

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If the Surly Wench were located anywhere else in Tucson, it would probably be a niche bar. The suggestive title, coupled with a barroom full of tatted bartenders, plastic skulls and evocative poster displays, encourages a somewhat hardened crowd.

Not to be mistaken, Surly Wench does draw its strength from a healthy combination of Roller Derby girls, tough lesbians and sociable goths. But that’s not all there is to it. Surly Wench is above all a Fourth Avenue bar, and Fourth Avenue bars are for (just about) everyone.

Setup: In fact, the bar’s accessories are often the most compelling thing about the atmosphere. On weeknights, the place is usually half empty, so you find your eyes roaming the walls more than the floor. The Wench's interior channels what a contemporary pirate’s lair might look like. There are all sorts of skulls hanging from the ceiling and an array of other kitschy objects—neon flamingo lights, moose heads, bull horns with boy-cut panties hanging off them, vintage stuff, arcade games…

Past the bar and behind an alcove is a tiny room with a white board menu posted on the side: the Grill of Satan. This is where you can order delectations of international acclaim. Their menu, with a couple dozen sandwiches, burgers and appetizers under $10, is creative to say the least. The $9 salsa burger with green chilis and guacamole is a triumph of assorted juicy textures, and if you’re hankering for a treat, try the $3 fried Twinkies and Oreos. They taste like dinner and dessert at the same time.

The Wench recently added a new room on the left side of the bar for people to go when it gets crowded on the weekends. The Parlor Room, as they call it, has a second bar and comfy couches, but also has a lingering smell of incense left over from when it was the popular smoke shop Puff N Stuff.

Entertainment: Aside from the food, this bar offers an array entertainment options. Thursday, Friday and Saturday nights see a range of bands and DJs. The LazerForce dance party is Thursdays, with DJs Ben Beshaw, Dewtron and Eric Meyer, while the live music the club hosts is generally in the rock realm, from punk to rockabilly. Other nights are dedicated to nerdier pleasures. On most Sundays, the reigning bartender will plug in a Super Nintendo or Nintendo 64 and let patrons play games on the large projector screen over the stage. They also have Rock Band sometimes, which is a treat for wasted anime fans who like creating avatars.

Lately, the folks at the Wench have been doing their own version of Earth Hour with Blackout Mondays, inspired after the power went out on Fourth Avenue during a storm. They’ll turn out all the lights, plug in a phonograph that plays old music and drink by candlelight.

The club is also home to the Black Cherry Burlesque troupe, and you'll find performances from them about every couple of months.

Libations: Drinks at Surly are generally cheap: There’s always a different special and a pint of PBR for $1.50. On most nights, well drinks are $2.50 and call liquors are $4. Draft beer can reach all the way up to $6 for a pint of Imperial Guinness, but most are in the $3 to $4 range. But whatever you do, don’t order a glass of wine. It’s overpriced, and usually comes in a small, barely filled cup.

Service: The Wench has a terribly efficient serving mechanism that helps to weed out line cutters. Instead of ordering a drink wherever, people who aren’t sitting at the bar have to order in the center between two roped lines. There are usually enough bartenders on staff so that you don’t have to wait very long. But if you do, you’re out of luck. These bartenders are sassy and they don’t take well to complainers. If you’re in that situation, the best solution is to just put up with it.

Bottom line: Surly Wench definitely caters to tough women, but it's really more comparable to hipster bars like Club Congress and Che's Lounge. When you go, you can socialize, converse with close friends in the comfort of your own booth, or dance to the usually high-decibel music. The club's only detraction is that there's often a cover charge on weekends, and no matter how innovative their accessories are, they'll never be as cool as the ones at Congress. But if the band's worth the cover or the door is free, Surly Wench is a great hangout for hipsters, nerdsters, straights, gays, young coeds and people who can still tolerate that "D.A.N.C.E." song.

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